Quick Thought About Thoughts

So I am reading Manfred by Lord Byron for my 18th/19th Century British Literature course. It is a beautiful poem written eloquently in stage format and I enjoy reading it (really, I do), but I read an entire page and I honestly have no idea what it said due to other things taking priority in my mind. I was too tired to read over it again, so I just continued even after this important realization. Then something caught my attention:

"But I have found our thoughts take wildest flight

Even at the moment when they should array

Themselves in pensive order." (Act 3, lines 43-46)

Coincidence? I will leave that up to you to decide for yourself, but I'd certainly say not.

The Century Project

For three days, an exhibit by Frank Cordelle titled "The Century Project" has been at my school. I didn't know anything about it when I went in except that there were nude photographs. In the simplest description, Frank has taken a photograph of a female from birth (literally..the first photograph is of a baby crowning) to age 100 (he's only missing a few years here and there). To be honest, I felt pretty uncomfortable at the beginning of the exhibit because the pictures were of girls...young girls. As the photographs matured to teenage girls, I began to see the beauty in his project. These are young women who are not afraid to be exactly who they are - or they are afraid, which makes it even more honorable that they are willing to participate. Many of the teenagers had or were still experiencing eating disorders or the repercussions of sexual abuse.

As the age of the subject increased, so did the intensity of the stories. These beautiful, amazingly strong women have been brutally beaten, abused, and exploited, yet they are taking a stand. They are making a statement. They are being themselves...they are exposing themselves entirely. What could possibly be more honorable than such an act?

One important idea that I took from this incredible experience was that of my own body. In recent years, I have done a lot of work mentally and emotionally to come to a place of comfort with my body, and I feel like I have made monumental progress, but I have a bit further to go.

Each woman who participated in Frank's project is making a statement to society about a couple of different things. The first is that there is a huge difference between nudity and sexuality. There is nothing wrong with either one, and both have their time and place, but nudity should not be categorized so wrongly with sexuality because, though sexuality often correlates strongly with nudity, they do not always go hand-in-hand. The second statement, probably the more important of the two, is that beauty is not necessarily what media, culture, and society say it is. Beauty is who you are. Nothing more, nothing less. Despite their so called "flaws," these women put themselves out to the world, and their beauty, inside and out, calls to me clear as day. I hope that others react to this incredible project similarly to the way in which I have.

Another moment within this experience that reigns of high importance is the moment in which I met Frank. He travels with his exhibit and thankfully was around when I walked through. He was speaking with some other students when I finished looking at his photos, so I patiently listened to him answer their questions. Once they left, he turned and smiled at me. I immediately asked him if I could hug him, and his response was an immensely vigorous, "Hell yes!" He quickly embraced me in one of the most sincere hugs I have ever encountered. He held on to me for what would normally be an awkward amount of time, but it felt so right. We connected. I thanked him and said that what he is doing is beautiful. He thanked me, and wished me a good weekend. I then picked up my coat and backpack and walked out with a brand new sense of myself.

I spent an hour and a half in the exhibit, reading the stories and admiring the artistry of the photos. Several made me cry, a few made me laugh (especially when I got to the older women who were completely open and free about life), but each one inspired me to an incomprehensible level. As ridiculous as it may sound to someone who has not seen this wonderful collection, it changed me. It pushed me further along my path toward total comfort and enlightenment in regard to my own beautiful body. This experience has impacted my life in a way that I know I will never forget.

Thank you, Frank.

http://www.thecenturyproject.com/

College: More Than Education

This week has been so incredibly profound. My mom always told me that college is important because of the experience, but I never really knew what that meant (and who would have guessed that mother really does know best?). I simply assumed that she meant the party scene and/or the friendships and relationships that develop from being in school, but I now realize that she meant something entirely different. I have questioned more about myself, my life, our society, and our country than I ever have in the past, and those were always things I thought about, which means that I am contemplating these ideas constantly.

Just in this week so far (fyi: it's only Wednesday...), I have found what may be the meaning of life (thanks to the collaboration of thoughts with my roommates); I have realized that we are all enslaved by our society and economical system, no matter what we do, and I want out; I have placed myself into a new light thanks to the opinions of others (in a good way, don't worry); and I have reaffirmed many of my religious and spiritual beliefs.

Because of all of these things, I realize now that college is not about your education, your knowledge, your friends, your cheap beer intake, and especially not about the job or degree you receive upon graduation. Rather, it is about discovering more about yourself than you could have possibly imagined. What more could you ask for?

It is an unfortunate realization when you discover that finding yourself in the deepest of ways is the purpose of a four year period of your life, yet you are unable to focus on it. Shouldn't we have the time to meditate, either in thought or in practice, about ourselves and our lives and our ultimate purpose?

I suppose the challenge is balancing all of that with societal expectations and finding a place in the world where you are mentally sound and secure, yet economically safe as well.

P.S. With this new perspective on college, do grades really matter?

Introduction/Refrigerator List

Once upon a midnight autumn, my roommates and I were discussing my situation and they suggested that I start a blog about the happenings of my life. First, I will tell you a bit about my recent past.

I am a transfer student at a private college (coming from a community college in a redneck town. Culture shock, anyone?) in a small town in Ohio, but I am not the typical student on this campus. I work three jobs while attending school full time, and I am snugly living in a double room with two of my friends, Katie and Karen (no need to ask how that works...Karen has a mattress under Katie's bed and we share every other piece of furniture. They are really nice).

As a prologue, I will tell you a story that Katie told me after she returned home for our fall break. Her mom asked about Karen and me and she told her the story of how we all ended up living in this room (it's a long, confusing story that I will save for a post when I have run out of cool things to say). As they were talking, her mom pointed to a blanket in their sun room and asked if Katie wanted it. Katie replied, "No thanks, we already have plenty of blankets in our room." As their conversation deepened, Katie told her mom about my family. She explained that my mom is a single mom who recently adopted four kids and doesn't have a lot of luck with her financial situation. With empathy pouring out in her voice, Katie's mom said, "You take that blanket...you take that blanket and you give it to Zara." Hence, the title of my blog.

For the topic of my first post, I will now provide you with a list of the weird things that I, as a poor vegan-college-student, currently have in my refrigerator:

• An empty Brita water filter
• A half cut onion
• Lemon juice
• All natural maple syrup
• Soymilk
• (Non-vegan) Apple pie...half frozen
• A single piece of cheeseless pizza
• A container of (gross, melted, separated, re-hardened, disgusting) soy butter

I will leave you with the list of random refrigerator contents, as well as a quote from the great Lord Byron, whom I am currently studying.

"Thou hast no power upon me, that I feel;

Thou never shalt possess me, that I know."

(Manfred, Act 3, lines 125-6)