Dear Hamsters:
Lucy and Ruth...I don't know what happened to you, and I miss you terribly. I have an idealistic dream that you two escaped from your cage and made your way out of my house, through the terrible downtown neighborhood in which we live, and into a field where you can gleefully frolic for the rest of your short lives. Then I think about the other options...you could be mutant hamsters, murdering small cats in the neighborhood with your alien fangs and tiger claws. Or maybe you're dead in my house somewhere, rotting after starving to death...*puke*...I hope that isn't happening. Nonetheless, I miss the sound of you chewing endlessly on the side of your cage, despite my hot sauce and cat defenses, and I miss the gross layer of hamster crap that lined your cage day after day. May you rest in peace (or eat cats with joy).
Dear Baby Johnson:
I cannot begin to explain how excited I am that the mother of my children is popping out a FOURTH baby! Yeah, that's you, accident and all. You are going to be the most beautiful baby boy in the world and I can't wait to contemplate kidnapping you. I heard all of the current name potentials and, I have to say, I'm really banking on Will. You seem like a Will to me. When you are seventeen and yelling at your mom because she won't let you do whatever stupid teenager thing you want to do, remember how much love for you that all of us feel for you already, before you are born.
Dear Zacharies:
I salute you, guys named Zachary. Zach D., my best friends brother, you are awesome: you fix things, you make fun of me, and you make funny jokes...you are awesome. Zach W., you are awesome: your reasons are, well, secret, but...you are awesome. Zachary Levi, you are awesome: you are adorable, talented, and funny...you are awesome. I salute you, awesomefixeruperteaserfunnysecretiveadorabletalentedguysnamedZachary.
No comments:
Post a Comment